A Name

I don't remember his name, I just remember that he had one. Some people's names make you feel nothing; they are just names, an assigned word to an identity that does not confirm or deny its existence. But other names make you feel electric. On just hearing it, a two maybe even one-syllable word, the whole world goes silent. Like a current racing through your bloodstream. Maybe it's a name you've heard a dozen times before, and it never meant anything. Yet, somehow, now you revert to that 6th-grade version of yourself who wrote a name over and over and over and over in your Lisa Frank notebook, hoping that by the 87th, 100th, 114th time the universe read it, that name would have also remembered yours. Maybe it's a name you thought would never matter, lost it the moment it bounced off your eardrums until somehow weeks, months, maybe even years later in a park on a cold night wrapped tightly in a warm sweater it became the most important word in the whole world. It changed from a name easily forgotten into one that would make you think twice for the remainder of your life. What power, in these little words we don't even pick ourselves. What power in this feeling that bubbles through your esophagus coating the syllables on your tongue when you cry out that name in passion, in sadness, in frustration, in elation. God, how I wish I could remember his name. His name that I spent so many days trying to forget in hopes that when I hear it again, I won't think twice. I won't hear sadness and joy and anger and hope and pain... I will just hear a word assigned to a person. Simple. Easy. Nothing but a dictionary definition and lazy biblical reference, classic and boring and limited. Wouldn't that be nice.

The Wrong Thing

I want the sky,

you fucker

and I want the 

fucking moon

As you present to me 

the ocean, 

I think I might 

hate you

You're sorry

for the wrong thing

again

You're sorry 

for the wrong thing 

again

You tell me you 

want to change plans

for me

while I stand in the road 

and scream

it's not for me

if I wanted it

start hearing what I say

not what you think

I mean

You're sorry

for the wrong thing

You're sorry 

for the wrong thing 

Crying alone 

on the bathroom floor

you say you thought

I wanted space

when what I asked for 

was a kiss

nothing big 

and nothing grand

but something 

more than this

Stop hearing what you 

think I said 

and start listening 

to what I did

You tell me 

I don't know 

what I want 

while I scream it 

to the void 

it's not my fault 

you can't hear 

what's beyond

your own noise

fuck it 

happened

again

You're sorry 

for the wrong thing

and you're still 

sorry 

for the 

wrong 

thing 

maybe, maybe

maybe, maybe

you just don't really 

want me

no no no

you want a girl

who wants the ocean

who gives up on her dreams 

who whispers what you 

want to hear 

and stops fucking 

screaming 

so why, lover

are you hear with

me

you're still sorry

for the wrong thing

you're still sorry

for the wrong thing 

please, please, please 

wake up and see

see that it's me

it's still me

I'm sorry 

for the wrong 

thing

I'm sorry 

for the wrong 

thing 

Hi, Hello

Hi, Hello

I'm sorry

Hi, Hello

I care

Hi, Hello

I'm screaming

but, you're not really 

there

Hi, Hello

I love you

won't you love me

back

Hi, Hello

I'm thinking of you

Isn't that just sad

Hi, Hello 

I see you

in this crowded room

Don't you 

Don't you 

Don't you 

only see me 

too 

Hi, Hello

I'm crying 

behind these smiling 

eyes

Hi, Hello

you don't care

and I pretend 

like that's 

alright 

Hi, Hello

I'm sorry

Hi, Hello

I tried

to pretend it 

didn't matter 

but, well

it just isn't 

alright 

Hi, Hello

I love you

and I just 

don't know

why 

Hi, Hello

I'm sorry

Hi, Hello

Goodbye