Memory

Today feels like a memory
I can see it in my mind...

the wind flowing through the windows

no sense of space or time

Arm hanging out the window

sun-kissed skin and open air

the green rolling landscape

the rustle of my hair

You reach for my hand 

as the music plays across the scene

I can almost see the notes

It's like living in a dream

Maybe I'll remember how this feels 

like it was a present time

somehow in my present

It's a memory in my mind

a scene played with the credits

as they drive off into the sun

nowhere that they need to be

Just two bandits on the run

Ghost

I don't want to know the ending

You're afraid to see the start

I am into just pretrnding

You're exactly who you are

Kiss me like I am the last woman on earth

Like your very breath can't keep you from wanting me

just me

endlessly

Love me like I mean something to you

even if your heart is breaking

even if it isn't true

Sometimes I want the picture

to imagine what it means

not knowing all the feelings

It is nicer than it seems

Touch me like you can't stop

like my skin is made of glass

And you are starving for sunlight

You don't even have to ask

I know that I mean nothing

But, can't you just pretend

in this moment, in this hour

that I am precious in your hands

Kiss me like I am the last woman on earth

Like your very breath can't keep you from wanting me

just me

endlessly

It's a racecar on the speedway,

it's the last star in the sky

moving so damn quickly.

so exclusive by and by

Oh, I know it's just an essence

an idea

a design 

nothing permanent or magic

just a glimpse in space and time

But, god, if it's not tragic

If I didn't want it all the same

to feel loved, to feel desired

to feel wanted and feel claimed

Now you're staring out the window

watching cars go by

seeking someone, someday, somewhere

that can give you the whole sky

not a flicker

not a sparkle

not a moment lost to time

not a memory

or a reverb 

or a treacherous goodbye

Kiss me like you mean it 

Like, I am the last woman on earth

Like your very breath can't keep you from wanting me

just me

Like you see all of my worth

Like you don't know I'm pretending

that my shadow holds you close

that this love is not a memory

and you're not living with a ghost

Opaque

Give me your life, your light, your consequence.

I'll determine if you do, in fact, get a pass.

For love, what it is you want from this,

decides, truly, if it lasts.

I'm a product of deception, 

lord knows I love a lie.

A secret, and a challenge, but still look me

straight dead in the eye.

If you offer to me clemency, 

accept me as I am,

decide my moral merkiness 

is, in fact, instead, a gem.

Well, I'll give to you my whole heart,

undivided and untamed.

Not a stutter or a start,

but an oasis, yet unclaimed.

Tell me, truly, could you love me?

Peaks and valleys, climbs and falls...

I will always be a challenge, 

but a reward, both great and small. 

Let me see you, let me know you, 

just please promise me the same. 

I'm a shadow of a person, 

shining vibrant through the grey. 

Consequence

Give me your light, your life, your consequence 

All witnesses be damned

I am sure I could be jealous,

But you wouldn't understand

It's a virtual explosion

a chaos of the mind

There's a fear for when it's over

our souls will just collide 

I'm not lost, or found, or falling

just existing, here, in space

suspended in this moment

a solid form to be displaced 

A lucid essence of a whisper

a quiet silence of the mind

that results in just a shiver 

like a life passing you by 

Oh, I've seen the way you know it

the openness and pain

the arrogant approach 

to a world caught in the wake

Tell me, tell me, tell me,

No, yet, show me with your mind,

is the picture finally clear now?

Or, did I just leave you behind?

Dregs

Yesterday's cold coffee, and bags under my eyes
I wish I didn't think of you, and I still just want to cry

it's not like we were something, I just miss you in my life

and the thought that I'm no more to you than these dregs of cold caffeine

a slight but stagnant memory of what maybe could have been

but, yet, never fully was

a feeling I'm consumed by

while you,

you just move on

god, if I don't hate you

or want to anyway

I can't believe you let me think

I mattered

Ha, okay

how dumb to see the signals

the signs in glaring lights

you never saw me as a person

you just saw me as a slight

and hopeful feeling 

a possibility 

a glance

and now I drink cold coffee

and wish we had a chance

just a few dregs, that's all that's left

Doldrums

I just wish I didn't miss you.

How it occupies my brain.

One minute I am working,

the next you're on my mind.

Like a slowly seeping cancer 

just one thought and then a stream

of love and loss and loneliness

of hope and pain and dreams.

In a way, I think I hate you

for treating me this way

In another, I'm the villain.

Would it have been different,

if I stayed? 

Now I'm standing at the presuppose 

of a river soon to fork.

Should I flow down the stream

you stand near?

Or should I choose a different course?

Does it even really matter?

The choice has to be for me.

But, god, would I be lying 

if I told you my heart has given up,

that my brain is not relentlessly stuck

on the thought of you and me.

Perhaps, we will be shadows

passing through the night.

I'll see you on the sidewalk,

smile and walk by.

Or maybe you're my future. 

Only time will tell, 

but, damnit, in the meantime

if this feeling isn't hell.

Your God

I believe in your god in the morning

But, at night, he's just too far away 

I can't see his light through the darkness

can't hear his voice in the crowd

Tomorrow could be different

But tomorrow, I'll be out

of tears, and lies, and tragedies 

How I could use that god right now

Can you send up a prayer to him?

Ask him what he sees

a sinner in the darkness

a wretch begging on her knees

Does he want to grant salvation?

Is it even his to grant?

The flicker of the savior

seems so damn far into the past