Teeth

Just because I'm easy going 

doesn't mean I don't care

Just because I'm not assertive

doesn't mean I'm weak

Letting you have the upper hand

staying aloof and at arm's length

I thought that was what you wanted 

You never asked for all of me

Would it matter if I'd said it?

Would it matter if I tried?

Would it matter if I yelled and screamed?

Instead of smiled and walked by?

Did you want to see my backbone?

Were you looking for my teeth?

I'm not sure you could handle it,

if I gave you all of me.

I'd have left you bleeding

crying on the floor.

Was that what you wanted?

Would you be begging me for more?

God, I am so tired,

My insides - empty, raw

Like everything, I thought I was

Suddenly, it's gone

A carcass in a desert

Carrian for vultures

morsels for the dogs

And you just walk right past me

grimace, and move on

Was that what you wanted?

All the meakness all the brush it off

or would you have liked me better 

if I'd gone straight for your heart

I guess now the option's gone

122

Hate me ‘till you know me 

Know me just for sport 

You think you have the answers 

And reasons, it’s an art

Love me ‘till you see me

All the shadows 

All the night

I was trying to bring sunshine 

Then someone turned out the lights 

Hold me ‘till it’s over 

Can you keep me 

Though it’s dark 

I promise I’ll recover 

I just need that hint of spark 

121

Quietly she waits for the other pin to drop

Hidden in the hallway, there’s no way to make it stop 

The shouting, the yelling, the throwing of hands 

She listens and listens, but she can’t understand 

Why can’t love be the answer 

Or humor, or glee

Why must there be anger

And violence, and greed 

She’s stuck, she’s a child

There hiding again

Seeking a solution to a problem 

She doesn’t understand 

120

Wait, just one minute

Yes, I know that it's been years

But the rush of your resolution

It is still ringing in my ears

I don't understand your timeline

Mine has never quite made sense

wait and wait, then all at once

But, is it too late now?

Please, just one more moment

I need a chance to breathe

All this time, I was just floating

In the murkiness of doubt

Now that I can see clearly

It's like I was living in a dream

And now your face has gone from phantom

to an actual real thing

I just need to marvel

at the contours of your face

at the possibility

that you could be mine,

ensure it's not just some mistake

Please, okay, okay, be patient 

I'm going to pick you

We all know

But, I just need a second

to remember how to let go

119

How do you feel about 

God and other monsters?

How do you feel about

wishing I were there?

Is it something you've been thinking about,

or do you actually not care?

What I wouldn't give 

to feel your kiss

against the inside of my palm 

and know your lips 

were worth the wait 

and the pain of holding on.

I'm a falcon on a tether

a beast on a frayed leash

I could break it if I wanted

but what would it really mean

to be free

and not have you

to see, if only 

in my dreams 

How do you feel about

a life worth living?

What are your thoughts on 

hopes and dreams?

Are we walking side by side

or have you left me 

in the streets 

screaming 

and screaming

and screaming 

and screaming 

screaming your name

wondering why in the hell 

you never, ever came

What I wouldn't give 

to feel your hand

on my heart 

and know your fingers

can tell my heartbeat apart

from the palpitations of life

to the rhythm of belonging 

what I wouldn't give 

for you to 

recognize my longing

I'm a falcon on a tether

a beast on a frayed leash

I could break it if I wanted

but what would it really mean

to be free

and not have you

to see, if only 

in my dreams 

118

I’ve been acting with reckless abandon

Though I see that my actions were wrong 

I keep laughing in the face of my anger 

I keep hoping a saving grace will prolong

All the dreams that I’ll one day encounter

All the goals that I might just forsake 

As I kneel at the base of your alter

Please forgive me, these recent mistakes 

 

117

You suppress your inner demons

With a smile on your face 

But, there’s a hint of something evil

That your smirk cannot escape 

You’ve given way for reason 

And decided it’s for not 

You’re the villain 

You're the heathen 

Did you think we just forgot 

104

Your desperation excites me

That's not something I should say out loud

Yet, I keep crashing through the silence

In hopes of hearing your crying sounds

Sure, I'd still give you water

in a desert, dry and bleak

but, I might hesitate - a little

just to see how well you plead 

I don't like this version of me

a cold and careless type

but, you took something from me

and it still keeps me up at night

There's an evil streak within your soul

I've seen these types before

one moment you seem wonderful

the next I'm on the floor

and not sure how I got here

or why your knife's against my throat

I had the audacity to think you cared

I don't think that anymore 

for in the face of denying 

that in which you want

you chose instead to concur 

all my hopes, my worth 

just gone

So now I see you clearly 

such a punitive little man

can't you see the real danger

how the tables have now turned

Oh, I seem so meek and mild

kind, forgiving, just a doll

but the moment your manipulation 

wore me tired 

I became a lurking shark 

Turn your back, now,

try it,

I'll rip out your worthless heart 

116

Unabashed, she asks me to stay 

I can’t find it in me to just walk away 

So we sit on her porch for about half an hour

Before her eyes fill with tears 

And her heart turns sour

Suddenly, I know I should have gone home 

For sitting here with her, is worse than being alone