Your God

I believe in your god in the morning

But, at night, he's just too far away 

I can't see his light through the darkness

can't hear his voice in the crowd

Tomorrow could be different

But tomorrow, I'll be out

of tears, and lies, and tragedies 

How I could use that god right now

Can you send up a prayer to him?

Ask him what he sees

a sinner in the darkness

a wretch begging on her knees

Does he want to grant salvation?

Is it even his to grant?

The flicker of the savior

seems so damn far into the past

Release

Cut your teeth on this leather, 

It's too dead to bleed

You said you wanted sympathy 

But what was it that you need? 

Fuck it. Aren't you tired?

of sitting on your knees,

Your head can't get much higher

Your begging makes you weak

Tell me it's a triumph 

Watching my concious fall

Tell me it's a miracle

That you even came at all 

I can see the perspiration

forming on your brow

But instead of looking tired,

You seem more fierce somehow

and yet, and yet,

your crying 

The tears don't reach the ground

Is this really an expression

Or are you just holding on too tight 

release, release, just lose it

I want to see you bleed

Show me that there's more to you

than this person on their knees

I'm not here to find an answer

Either you have it or you don't 

But as you start to quiver,

I do worry that you won't 

It's a rude amalgamation 

a collection of odd parts

a very strange beginning, 

I should have guessed this from the start

Cadaver

Forget your affirmations

You're a criminal, denied

I see the way you slit me open

Even if it was just in my mind

I've been bleeding out on the table

My guts litter the floor

You are standing over me

All my blood, you just ignore

Though it's sticky on your fingers

Does it smell like bittersweet?

Did you really forget? 

That's the way you treated me.

Like I was a cadaver, 

just a hunk of rotting meat. 

You smile and you call me.

"How's your day?"

"How have you been?"

I've been on a fucking rampage.

"Oh, I'm fine."

I'm just dying deep within.

And I think I swear 

I want your love

Though it's brash 

And it is cold

There's some part of you, 

I'm fighting for

That is worth this feeling 

no?

Musings

I miss you so much, my teeth hurt.

Perhaps, I'm just clenching my jaw

But, I swear you took a scalpel,

cut me open, left me raw.

Is it really you I'm missing?

Or the loss of what could have been?

Was it merely an idea, 

The reality unperceived 

or the knowledge that you never

could imagine loving me?

Fuck. My knees are shaking, 

I swore I wouldn't cry.

But you're just standing there, 

palms up, in the background of my mind.

I want to yell and scream at you, 

to demand you say you care.

But, I can't make you materialize 

something that was never really there. 

Did I fancy I was special?

Imagine we were great?

Invoke a hopeful premonition

of the life we both could make?

Typically, I'm better,

at dismissing musings as just that,

yet, this time I could see it

and still it just fell flat. 

Do you know how hard it is,

for me, to let somebody in?

I don't give my heart so easily, 

always drifting with the wind. 

No, I never fully gave it, 

always one foot out the door,

but you almost made me think, 

you'd be worth the fear of

stepping closer once more.

Stamina

Did you rip out my sternum?
On your way to inspect my heart

I feel like someone mauled me,

tore me right apart

There's blood on the counter

a spleen left by the drawer

Maybe that's my liver

lying on the floor

Not that it matters

Here in shatters

wanting more

If you do decide to come back 

I'll be waiting

like before

I'm sure you didn't mean it

I'm sure it was by mistake

You just wanted to see it

The beats my heart might make

Did you ever reach it?

that deep and wretched thing,

see that it is in fact intact

albeit, hanging by a string

It could withstand your flogging

It could withstand your pain

But, damit, if it wasn't too much

to withstand you walking away

So I guess we'll be here waiting 

my heart, my parts, and me

If you happen to come back again

Yes, this is where we'll be

Hoping for your presence 

pining for your touch

Praying that this time

We aren't deemed to be too much