Just a Scar

I have this spot
on my arm
Sometimes it is fine
barely noticeable

But others,
it hurts,
it's red,
I pick it apart

It never goes away

I worried it was
skin cancer
some deadly thing

then thought it
a simple wart
something benine
but gross

But, no
actually,
it turns out
it's a scar

A recurring scar
like a shaving cut
on your knee
over, and over

It never goes away

Just a scar
sometimes quite
sometimes enraged

But, it never goes away

Finding Color

Might we cry simply
from the weight of something else?
All our hopes are barring weight
on just one single shelf.

Might we ebb nearer
to, say, an empty room,
ready to be filled,
not fully consumed.

He said to me, once before,
"Why would I pick the egg,
that is already colored black,
when a fresh white one now has came."

I see now, I get it.
The irony's not lost.
But, don't you see the color,
once the dark egg is embossed?

Maybe the shelf if breaking,
the barrings wearing thin.
But, if we do some rearranging...
clean off all the crap,
could we find the shelf
is full of treasure,
and worthwhile to go back. 

For sometimes new is brilliant
fresh color has appeal.
But, what of all the treasures,
left buried ever near.

Won't they some day shine?
Spark notice once again?
Be all we ever wanted?
A remnant with no end.

I tell you, life is complex.
The facades all do have cracks.
Yet, beneath the rubble.
The beauty still fights back.

Fresh Snow

Maybe you don't know what you have

until it's slipping away

like sand through your fingers

water through the cracks

feelings define in meaning

somehow there is no going back

So my life is in upheaval 

And yours is on the rise

my restless frustration

it could be our demise

You asked me, why can't 

it be

that the adventure isn't out there

but instead it's you and me

I thought this idea crazy

let it slide out of my mind

but lately, 

I keep thinking

that maybe you are right

Maybe I'll be restless

and itchy all my life

but if you are here beside me

maybe it will be alright

And I will have to do better, 

oh and baby so will you.

For I've ignored your sadness,

been caught up in my to-dos

And you've tired of my wavering

and moved on while I stand still.

But alas, is that everything?

or can we get it back.

Because I want to stand beside you

I want to hold your hand

to run ideas by you

and be included in your plans

I can learn to nurture. 

I can learn to give.

I am only me, 

but I have the will.

If you can learn to love me,

and except me with my flaws.

If you can learn

To embrace my inner dreamer, 

and help her as she grows.

Maybe all is lost. 

Maybe, I don't know.

But, to me, this is a new beginning.

Our love can surely grow.

Like new hand prints on fresh snow.

Lost at Sea

What if I break
fall to the ground
will it have been worth
standing around

looking for colors
waiting for signs
a ship in the ocean
in need of a tide

the wind in my sails
its falling flat
and the salt on my lips
has caused them to crack

It was quite exciting
a rush and a ride
now, lacking in motion
I just drifted by

Take control of the mast
steer us straight... anywhere
here in the middle
no direction is clear

The water is dangerous
darkness all around
and I'm not so sure
if we'll swim
or we'll drown

Inner Wars

So sit, again, alone and recall all the motives in your head. Not just the motives to leave, or motives to stay... but the reasons to love and to run and even to be you. Why? Why fight for these things that may never come to pass? Why watch your happy life get ripped apart? For what? I am asking, WHAT! You never win, every outcome you loose, and yet, there you are again, like a fucking fish out of water treading along in the sad wishing you were a snail. Not knowing snails never get anywhere they're going very fast.

That's right. You in the corner, hiding her head again. Oh, now you are going to stand up tall are you? Make someone laugh, do something well. Such a fake. I see you. I see you falling, you've been falling since the moment you got up. Falling into what you could be, what you should be, what you can't be, and all the while fighting tooth and nail to get the hell away from who you are. Oh.. oh you pride yourself on being genuine? Well, bitch, I am calling bullshit on that. I saw you in the ally, crying, screaming to just get the hell out of your skin. To shrink. To disappear, disappear and be someone, somewhere else.

You think you are a fighter? You think you can win? The strong one, hu? HA, since when. I watch you melt. Talk yourself up in the mirror. Tell yourself over and over that you are okay, that you will be okay. I hear it. Don't act like I don't know. That's right, drink your gin. Laugh and smile, and be great and humble. Wear the crown. It isn't real anyway, and inside you'll always feel the same.

We will always feel the same. No matter where we go or what we become, or who we are... we. will. always. feel. the same.

But, that's okay, hu? You're okay with that? It's safe isn't it? It's safe next to strangers, flying so fast no one has time to see you flash by. It's safe, until you fuck up and start caring. Let your heart go again. Stupid girl. I told you, I told you! But, no, you never listen to me! Wasn't the last time hard? Didn't it hurt? I know it did? Not bad enough though, hu? You didn't hurt bad enough, or do enough damage did you. Fucking warpath, watch out for this one. She is going to steal your heart, tan your hide, then wonder why no one cares about her feelings. Phh, what kind of person does that?

That's right, you can't run forever. See, people stop caring. They do! They do, and they have. You feel it. The way she looked right through you. Blamed you. And what, you cried? Why? Because it's your fault? Sure it is. That's why you hide away. Ignore your phone. Your own world is safe isn't it? It's safe from the monsters that plague your happy heart. That invoke their pain on you, that make it yours. Yet when you are in pain where are they? But, you wouldn't do that would you?

You wouldn't put your pain on them? No, no. Not your style. Coward. You wouldn't confront it either. Just sit there. Sit alone in your room. Make your lists, draw your stupid pictures. Act like you are okay, and everything is fine. Like they will be fine. Like you just don't care at all. Tell him that, too. You don't care. You are returning to your inner depths where no one can find you. It's safe there, hu? Lonely... But it's safe.

You're right. I shouldn't blame you. I get it. I do. We do better here... alone, together. We do better fighting demons with smiles rather than teeth. We are free and we are safe, and we are horribly lonely. But, that's okay, isn't. Because no one blames us better than we blame ourselves, and no one listens better either. So good bye world. So long, for now. I'll see you agin some day... someday when we dare to ever come back out.

Confronting Demons

You bury your daemons
down deep in the well
lowered by rope and bucket
to the depths of yourself

And yet as you sit
in that comfortable chair
they climb right back up
they were always there

They fool with your sanity
battle your mind
laugh at the concept
all passes with time

Now as you sit
back straight and strong
you feel like a child
a child all along

there is no escape
there is no control
the demons you run from
are still in your soul

and you wish you could break them
set them on their way
they hold on so tightly
and never decay

and yet they bring comfort
they are who you are
who are you in freedom?
who are you in time?
who the hell would you be,
with out that answer to why?

So you sip your coffee
buckle in as you drive
hope that no one can hear you
when the cry hits your eyes

What can it matter
this person you'll be
the one who is longing
to finally break free

Words

All the things I shouldn't say were laying on the ground. Right where you could see them; they'd simply fallen out. Like a waterfall of devastation, an avalanche of nouns, and verbs held in designation withered in the now. I saw your eyes, they filled with tears, your mouth, it trembled now. And I knew that I had found your fear, and promptly coaxed it out. I told you I was dangerous, a fire in the night. That despite the realms of darkness, I always sought the light. So now we stand in purgatory, not quite sure how to move: light, and love, and hope, and glory... they all feel like old news. Hold on to me, dear lover, I'm sorry for my flaws. I'm not the type to calm the waters, but I can reduce the floods. Forgive me for my reckless ways, the words that tumble down. For I never meant to hurt you, not then and still not now. 

Light

Pardon the intrusion
all innocence aside
They created an illusion
where we could all reside

In equality and justice
in peace and hope and love
then they snuck in late
behind us
and cut the power cord

Out to lights of liberty
of freedom
lights of life
out to hopes of anything
that saves us from the night

In comes all the darkness
where fear and hate are born
In comes all the demons
that will steal your soul by storm

Oh, don't you worry
we matter not today
we should have seen this furry
from not so far away

it rippled underneath us
quite but still near
and when the vale fell
it's path was made quite clear

But, we won't run
no, we will stand and fight
for, the thing that destroys darkness
well, it is always light

So let us stand togther
let us show them we are strong
that nothing will defeat us
the hate will not live on

Laugh Out Loud

I think I gave you two tries
but, the bullet to the head
really caught me on the flip side
showed up - wound up dead
and you laugh
and you laugh

No time like the present
and it quickly becomes past
no time like the future
will we catch up to it at last

and oh do you laugh
always, you laugh

taken from behind
like a cat following a string
I watched you gravitate
to a life I couldn't see

sparkles in the distance
remnants, now, of sound
I guess I just got tired
of following you around

and you laugh
and you laugh out loud

quite inner tremors
silently spill out
watch my body shake
as it falls down to the ground

your too busy watching
for a sight so far away
oh, the thunder made it's presence
but the lightning never came

and your laughter
your laugh it sounds
and you laugh
oh, you laugh out loud

A Plea

Illigitiment synopsis of an unintelligible time. Radiating heart ache in an incapacitated mind. No whereabouts to speak of, no navigation far behind. It's a mistress of delusion, a forecast of Devine. Oh speak to me so softly, may your voice disapate with mine. I cannot escape this presuppos, but you might infiltrate my mind. With soft smooth renovations, that correct the cracks and tears. Offering mirrered imitations of what soon once was there. Oh unjulating voices, that call to me by name, won't you cease to silence. Let me live again.

Dancers

wink at me in passing
like a spider on a string
they say love is everlasting
is there such a thing?

we are all little dancers
spinning quickly through the wind
while our feet are busy moving
we forget we're supposed to live
we loose all we have to give

and now you stand their smiling
like someone I always knew
and I don't get it
why I'm running straight from you

you give to me your treasures
entrust to me your soul
and I'm so busy dancing
that I keep letting it go

we are all little dancers
spinning quickly through the wind
while our feet are busy moving
we forget we're supposed to live
we loose all we have to give

Old Friends

sideways glances
cut through glass
dark dim romances
fazes come and past

and you sit here
sipping your beer
like we are just old friends
I hear
like it's crystal clear
my heart brake
once again

fast thoughts
in grey decay
it disperses
this minds fowl play

turn over
midnight wake
look over
this isn't going my way

and you sit here
sipping your beer
like we are just old friends
I hear
like it's crystal clear
my heart brake
once again

daily grind
the world unwinds
simple
day to day

we work
we drink
we live
we sink
all over
all over
all over again

and you sit here
sipping your beer
like we are just old friends
I hear
like it's crystal clear
my heart brake
once again

and you sigh
like this is goodbye
but I know
I'll see you again
I'll see you again

not for me
and not for you
no not for you
this is not the end

so you just sit here
sip your fucking beer
we will never be old friends

here we go
yes, here we go
here we go again

Country Songs

I'm listen'n to country songs
and I'm think'n about your face
the way your eyes do smile
when the pains lifted away

Every lyric hits me
like a slap across the face
your my country music heart ache
it won't never go away

Soft slow tunes of love and loss
sweet twangs of better days
drive'n trucks and headed south
the dust flies up
rear mirrors blown out

I'm an Indy rock kinda girl
oh but, baby, not today...
I'm listen'n to country songs
and I'm think'n about your face

I can still hear the sounds of laughter
as the sun sets far away
the shimmers in the water
as we watched our world decay

Now I'm drive'n north on 81
my world's a different place
but, I'm listen'n to country songs
and I'm think'n about your face

Yes, I'm listen'n to country songs
and I'm think'n about your face

Reassemble

Given your deception

and my incriminating flaws

an isometric tension

starting tearing at our hearts

they crumbled into pieces

falling lightly on the floor

where they rested for eternity

lying there forever more

So we creep in constant fazes

loving one to two to four

wishing someday for completion

from a life forever bored

Until I see your face again

and your eyes stare back as mine

all the pieces start to tremble

not forgotten, left behind

to rue a day they join again

to assimilate in time

to reassemble matrimony

once beloved, once cast aside