So sit, again, alone and recall all the motives in your head. Not just the motives to leave, or motives to stay... but the reasons to love and to run and even to be you. Why? Why fight for these things that may never come to pass? Why watch your happy life get ripped apart? For what? I am asking, WHAT! You never win, every outcome you loose, and yet, there you are again, like a fucking fish out of water treading along in the sad wishing you were a snail. Not knowing snails never get anywhere they're going very fast.
That's right. You in the corner, hiding her head again. Oh, now you are going to stand up tall are you? Make someone laugh, do something well. Such a fake. I see you. I see you falling, you've been falling since the moment you got up. Falling into what you could be, what you should be, what you can't be, and all the while fighting tooth and nail to get the hell away from who you are. Oh.. oh you pride yourself on being genuine? Well, bitch, I am calling bullshit on that. I saw you in the ally, crying, screaming to just get the hell out of your skin. To shrink. To disappear, disappear and be someone, somewhere else.
You think you are a fighter? You think you can win? The strong one, hu? HA, since when. I watch you melt. Talk yourself up in the mirror. Tell yourself over and over that you are okay, that you will be okay. I hear it. Don't act like I don't know. That's right, drink your gin. Laugh and smile, and be great and humble. Wear the crown. It isn't real anyway, and inside you'll always feel the same.
We will always feel the same. No matter where we go or what we become, or who we are... we. will. always. feel. the same.
But, that's okay, hu? You're okay with that? It's safe isn't it? It's safe next to strangers, flying so fast no one has time to see you flash by. It's safe, until you fuck up and start caring. Let your heart go again. Stupid girl. I told you, I told you! But, no, you never listen to me! Wasn't the last time hard? Didn't it hurt? I know it did? Not bad enough though, hu? You didn't hurt bad enough, or do enough damage did you. Fucking warpath, watch out for this one. She is going to steal your heart, tan your hide, then wonder why no one cares about her feelings. Phh, what kind of person does that?
That's right, you can't run forever. See, people stop caring. They do! They do, and they have. You feel it. The way she looked right through you. Blamed you. And what, you cried? Why? Because it's your fault? Sure it is. That's why you hide away. Ignore your phone. Your own world is safe isn't it? It's safe from the monsters that plague your happy heart. That invoke their pain on you, that make it yours. Yet when you are in pain where are they? But, you wouldn't do that would you?
You wouldn't put your pain on them? No, no. Not your style. Coward. You wouldn't confront it either. Just sit there. Sit alone in your room. Make your lists, draw your stupid pictures. Act like you are okay, and everything is fine. Like they will be fine. Like you just don't care at all. Tell him that, too. You don't care. You are returning to your inner depths where no one can find you. It's safe there, hu? Lonely... But it's safe.
You're right. I shouldn't blame you. I get it. I do. We do better here... alone, together. We do better fighting demons with smiles rather than teeth. We are free and we are safe, and we are horribly lonely. But, that's okay, isn't. Because no one blames us better than we blame ourselves, and no one listens better either. So good bye world. So long, for now. I'll see you agin some day... someday when we dare to ever come back out.
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