Finding Color

Might we cry simply
from the weight of something else?
All our hopes are barring weight
on just one single shelf.

Might we ebb nearer
to, say, an empty room,
ready to be filled,
not fully consumed.

He said to me, once before,
"Why would I pick the egg,
that is already colored black,
when a fresh white one now has came."

I see now, I get it.
The irony's not lost.
But, don't you see the color,
once the dark egg is embossed?

Maybe the shelf if breaking,
the barrings wearing thin.
But, if we do some rearranging...
clean off all the crap,
could we find the shelf
is full of treasure,
and worthwhile to go back. 

For sometimes new is brilliant
fresh color has appeal.
But, what of all the treasures,
left buried ever near.

Won't they some day shine?
Spark notice once again?
Be all we ever wanted?
A remnant with no end.

I tell you, life is complex.
The facades all do have cracks.
Yet, beneath the rubble.
The beauty still fights back.

Fresh Snow

Maybe you don't know what you have

until it's slipping away

like sand through your fingers

water through the cracks

feelings define in meaning

somehow there is no going back

So my life is in upheaval 

And yours is on the rise

my restless frustration

it could be our demise

You asked me, why can't 

it be

that the adventure isn't out there

but instead it's you and me

I thought this idea crazy

let it slide out of my mind

but lately, 

I keep thinking

that maybe you are right

Maybe I'll be restless

and itchy all my life

but if you are here beside me

maybe it will be alright

And I will have to do better, 

oh and baby so will you.

For I've ignored your sadness,

been caught up in my to-dos

And you've tired of my wavering

and moved on while I stand still.

But alas, is that everything?

or can we get it back.

Because I want to stand beside you

I want to hold your hand

to run ideas by you

and be included in your plans

I can learn to nurture. 

I can learn to give.

I am only me, 

but I have the will.

If you can learn to love me,

and except me with my flaws.

If you can learn

To embrace my inner dreamer, 

and help her as she grows.

Maybe all is lost. 

Maybe, I don't know.

But, to me, this is a new beginning.

Our love can surely grow.

Like new hand prints on fresh snow.

Lost at Sea

What if I break
fall to the ground
will it have been worth
standing around

looking for colors
waiting for signs
a ship in the ocean
in need of a tide

the wind in my sails
its falling flat
and the salt on my lips
has caused them to crack

It was quite exciting
a rush and a ride
now, lacking in motion
I just drifted by

Take control of the mast
steer us straight... anywhere
here in the middle
no direction is clear

The water is dangerous
darkness all around
and I'm not so sure
if we'll swim
or we'll drown

Inner Wars

So sit, again, alone and recall all the motives in your head. Not just the motives to leave, or motives to stay... but the reasons to love and to run and even to be you. Why? Why fight for these things that may never come to pass? Why watch your happy life get ripped apart? For what? I am asking, WHAT! You never win, every outcome you loose, and yet, there you are again, like a fucking fish out of water treading along in the sad wishing you were a snail. Not knowing snails never get anywhere they're going very fast.

That's right. You in the corner, hiding her head again. Oh, now you are going to stand up tall are you? Make someone laugh, do something well. Such a fake. I see you. I see you falling, you've been falling since the moment you got up. Falling into what you could be, what you should be, what you can't be, and all the while fighting tooth and nail to get the hell away from who you are. Oh.. oh you pride yourself on being genuine? Well, bitch, I am calling bullshit on that. I saw you in the ally, crying, screaming to just get the hell out of your skin. To shrink. To disappear, disappear and be someone, somewhere else.

You think you are a fighter? You think you can win? The strong one, hu? HA, since when. I watch you melt. Talk yourself up in the mirror. Tell yourself over and over that you are okay, that you will be okay. I hear it. Don't act like I don't know. That's right, drink your gin. Laugh and smile, and be great and humble. Wear the crown. It isn't real anyway, and inside you'll always feel the same.

We will always feel the same. No matter where we go or what we become, or who we are... we. will. always. feel. the same.

But, that's okay, hu? You're okay with that? It's safe isn't it? It's safe next to strangers, flying so fast no one has time to see you flash by. It's safe, until you fuck up and start caring. Let your heart go again. Stupid girl. I told you, I told you! But, no, you never listen to me! Wasn't the last time hard? Didn't it hurt? I know it did? Not bad enough though, hu? You didn't hurt bad enough, or do enough damage did you. Fucking warpath, watch out for this one. She is going to steal your heart, tan your hide, then wonder why no one cares about her feelings. Phh, what kind of person does that?

That's right, you can't run forever. See, people stop caring. They do! They do, and they have. You feel it. The way she looked right through you. Blamed you. And what, you cried? Why? Because it's your fault? Sure it is. That's why you hide away. Ignore your phone. Your own world is safe isn't it? It's safe from the monsters that plague your happy heart. That invoke their pain on you, that make it yours. Yet when you are in pain where are they? But, you wouldn't do that would you?

You wouldn't put your pain on them? No, no. Not your style. Coward. You wouldn't confront it either. Just sit there. Sit alone in your room. Make your lists, draw your stupid pictures. Act like you are okay, and everything is fine. Like they will be fine. Like you just don't care at all. Tell him that, too. You don't care. You are returning to your inner depths where no one can find you. It's safe there, hu? Lonely... But it's safe.

You're right. I shouldn't blame you. I get it. I do. We do better here... alone, together. We do better fighting demons with smiles rather than teeth. We are free and we are safe, and we are horribly lonely. But, that's okay, isn't. Because no one blames us better than we blame ourselves, and no one listens better either. So good bye world. So long, for now. I'll see you agin some day... someday when we dare to ever come back out.