When will it be

I would like to lie here
completely content
when will it be
when will it be again

sun rays in the window
wind across my face
fingers on my back
heart in a safe place

when will it be
when will it be

5 seconds
10 seconds
3 seconds more

glance slips sideways
to the open door

when will it be
when will it be

hand held so tightly
once a comfort
then a crutch
now a prison
too too much

when will it be
when will it be

when will it be again

And there, like a masterpiece
a gliding, sinewy form
stretching out
to caress my arm
soft brush
light wind
oozing emotion
feeling undefined
I see you,
like the cream
of the inner eclair
oozing out on both sides
soft
creamy
a delicious cream
unidentified
unrefined

I lean in...
finally,
to take a bite

and

vanilla...


...I don't like vanilla...

Ballerina

I caught you dancing
Like you loved someone
In spite of yourself

It was romantic
But, it felt like you’d
Been put on a shelf

A ballerina in jewelry box
Forever spinning round
To a song that sticks
Inside you’re brain
And never lets you out

I saw your smile
As it melted into something else
I knew you’d spun so many times
You are just dizzy now

I caught you dancing
Like you loved someone
In spite of yourself

Thunderstorm

There was an undeniable motion
And I felt it in my gut
A thunderstorm
Explosion
Oh god, it’s just to much

And I tried to keep it in
I tried to tell the lie,
But as the words spilled out my mouth
You could still see it in my eyes

The firing of lightning
The bomb dust
Settled soft as sand
My face is like a battle field
I can’t hide in who I am

But, I looked to you for comfort
Relied on you for help
And instead you turn so coldly
And placed me on a shelf

Where broken things are buried
Broken things are lost
Broken things are left to settle
Under the clouds of dust

Oh god, it’s just too much

I Still Remember Your Face

I still remember your face,
staring into mine,
eyes all knowing
all understanding,
that twinkle of acceptance
only two damaged people
can truly share.

I still remember your face
in my living room.
The couch covered in clothes,
packing for a next adventure.
Oh, if I would have known,
you had no intention of letting me go.

I still remember your face,
as I opened the gift.
Too much money you spent,
but your face, how it lifted.
You, a giver,
I, not worthy to receive.

I still remember your face,
our legs in the swimming pool,
tan shoulders, exposed,
like our inner souls,
so brief, yet so open.

I still remember your face,
our legs in the swimming pool.
Oh, if I had only known.
It was there, that you'd let it all go.

There, so close to that place,
our fingers interlaced.
You would pull the trigger,
swallow the bottle down.
So close to that place,
where I still... remember your face.

I still remembered your face,
speaking to you on the phone.
Oh, but I should have known.
You said you loved me,
spent your money,
couldn't let me go.

I still remembered your face,
a wold away...
the phone, rang,
oh, but I should have known.
5:00 in the morning,
my mother's voice.
the weight, the weight,
and I still remember your face.

I still remembered your face,
as I lay, a world away.
heavy, empty.
I told you to let me go
a butterfly,
not to be captured by a net,
but to land softly on your shoulder
in time.
Time, I thought I had.
Time, you had to go.

I still remember your face.
Now, years later.
I did it, I ran it without you.
I'll bring the medal to your grave...
like I have before.
when I go home,
If I go home...
I rarely go home anymore.

I still remember your face,
I carry it with me.
It hangs in my door frame.
It's crossed the country,
it's crossed the world.
It rides in my suitcase,
in my memory,
in my mind's eyes.

I still remember your face.
I made promises, to be great,
to be free,
to do something worthy...
I still remember your face when I fail you,
and when I succeed.

I still remember your face.
I still remember your face.
It doesn't haunt me,
It makes me whole.

I still remember your face.
It is the one thing, I can never let go.