Wednesday, January 19, 2022

A Farewell to a Past Self

She doesn’t ask me to leave,
She asks to to stay
Too long 
With too little movement
I watch the sun fade
Blue skies to grey
And never once 
Do I remember her name
Yet, the smell of her 
Perfume
Haunts me

Perhaps it was the way 
The air felt
The sudden breeze
From above
That ruffled the skirts 
Of who she once was
And tore away the facade 

Maybe the distant rain coming
Or the lightning that 
flashed in her eyes
But, I knew I’d never
See her again
The moment I told
Her good bye 

What an innocent dolly
She once was
What a behaved little soul
Now I keep her safe 
In my locket 
A piece that I’ll never let go

Though the pulse of her 
Heart will forever
Be the voice 
That sings 
Through my bones

The keeper of all inner music
The silence of a past
Lover’s ghost 
How I long to unknown
The secrets that girl 
Must behold 
With that voice
That signs through 
My bones

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

A Different Time and Place

Please give me your version of reality 
I'm the witness, I confess
I've been looking for an explanation,
but I can't seem to find one yet

Are there multiple outcomes?
One to two and three to one
too many variables
and, yet, equally
none

Can we start before we ended?
Can we have it both ways?
What if I want to journey, 
but I also want to stay

Maybe there's a universe
where it happend
the other way?
Where I wear an apron
in a kitchen
and the the distance
fades to grey
 
Maybe I am there
and here
and both 
 
Anyway... 
 
I think I'd like it
either way
to be the person
who decided she should stay 

Maybe that is me
in a different 
time 
a different place
 
Maybe... 
just not here
not today

Monday, April 26, 2021

Reality

the question sits heavy on my soul
I see the rudimentary colors
but, I can't seem to let them go

pink, and green, and turquoise
jasmine, salmon, red
is this sporadic spectrum
just something in my head?

can you see the explanation, 
even without the price?
the renewed information, 
just doesn't feel as nice 
 
perhaps if we remember
that forgetting's just as well
we can stay swathed in these colors
where light and dark can't tell 
 
a master piece of music
a synopsis of art 
do you see the meaning?
can you tell the two apart?

oh, tell me tell me
nothing
I prefer to feel the sound 
let my imagination run wild
fill in the grey around 

make me make me smile
I know its all a dream
but, really what's reality 
if not what we choose
to see

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

That's Me

Yes, that's me
who's smiling as a tear rolls 
from my eye
no, no, I cannot explain
I may never know why
 
One minute I am spinning 
smiling at the sky
the next I'm laying on the ground
shaking as I cry
 
Perhaps, its good to know
that feelings can be real 
even if I'm never sure
how I really want to feel
 
Love or adventure
always torn between
can I give up half myself
and still keep all of me
who am I supposed 
to feel like I'm 
supposed to be
 
Is he holding out his hand?
Should I default to the sea?
Jump on in and catch a wave
See where that takes me
 
Will there always be a distance
that is just a little out of reach 
will the ground ever feel 
solid, beneath my 
moving feet
 
laughing laughing 
out loud
and crying silently 
yes, dear, I am happy now
and sad
and mostly 
just me 

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Wondering Soul

Scraped knees and stolen hearts
I was going to tell you 
I loved you
but my words
they fell apart
 
Can you see it?
the feeling
in my eyes
as I cling to you
 
Please please please
Don't let me go
But, you do
because you love me
because you actually know
 
That loving a wondering soul
is letting them go
 
Just be "Eden" you say
as you walk away
and we both cry in the rain
 
I wish it didn't have to be 
this way
 
They say loving someone
is letting them go
I understand that now
But, I wish it wasn't so
 
I am a wondering soul 
 
You don't try to hold me down
make me your own
you see my wings
and you let me go
 
I wish it wasn't so
 
Just stay "Eden"
No, no, no
Do you know how much
I want to be
anyone who 
isn't me
 
It is a hard and lonely life
being a wondering soul
 
I cry in the rain
as you let me go
 
It is a hard and lonely life
being a wondering soul 
 
My heart breaks 
again
as I watch you go

It is a hard and lonely life
being a wondering soul


 

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

It's Not Alright

What I'd like to say: I'm angry.
 
I've been angry for years.
 
Ever since I had a best friend
and then I didn't.
And then it happened, again
and again
and again.
 
Friends.
Family.
There. 
Gone. 
 
Do you see it? 
Your path of destruction?
How your feelings, 
create a tornado
ruining everything in its path.
You look at me 
with those tear stained eyes, 
and I feel 
nothing.
Nothing.
 
I can't coddle you.
I won't.
Its not my responsibility
to make you like yourself.
 
And, its not fair.
That you keep asking us to. 
 
You choose
if you can be okay.
I get it.
Life is hard.
It sucks.
 
No one gets through life unscathed. 
But, being caught in 
your constant path of destruction
it isn't okay.
Even when I try
so damn hard, to run away.
 
Peace.
Peace.
Keep the peace.
Be the person,
who's even,
who's always okay. 
 
It's fine.
It'll be fine.
Smile.
Hug.
Apologize.
Apologize. 
Apologize. 
Apologize. 
 
What are you sorry for?
I don't know? 
Being alive?  

Guess what?
I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry this time.

It's your problem,
and it isn't alright.

Stop.
Making.
Other.
People.
Responsible.
For.
Your.
Feelings. 
 
I'm tired.
And, it's not alright. 


 
 
 
 
 

Monday, February 22, 2021

What I Should Have Said

I blurt out
"I love you"
You call my bluff 

(I wasn't bluffing)

You tell me
"You've loved lots of people"
What about him
What about him 

(I've learned the difference
between love and infatuation)

(There are different types of love.
Young love. Hopeful love. Desperate love. 
Real love. It's hard to know the real love.)
 
(I don't know how to tell you. 
I realized it was real love.
My love for you.
It's a love that's in my core,
it won't go away.
It's that I would build a 
life with you 
love.)
 
You tell me, 
you don't love anymore. 
 
(I don't believe you.)
 
I'm too afraid to call your bluff.
You look too sad.
It may be my fault. 
I don't know how
to take that back. 
 
(I'm sorry.)
 
You tell me you're sorry,
you're really in it right now. 

(Can I hold you up?)
 
(Helpless)
 
(Can I trade my useless love?
For your happiness?)
 
I tell you I don't give signs 
to random people.
 
You tell me 
you're not random.
 
(And you never will be.)

I see you.
I see you still love.