But then it's back again, tugging at me, pulling at my skin and making me scream. Scream from within the very depths of my being. So sad, so full of angst and hurt, full of need and want, full of... Nothing.
Nothing at all. What is it? Who are you? What the hell do you want? Does it even matter any more...
He doesn't love you. He's moved on. He's had time to get past it. He never loved you anyway, and why does it matter. You had the cards. You stalked the deck. Play the hand you play. Deal your deal and face the consicounses. That's life, my dear, that's life.
...is it? Is life so cruel and forward. Is there no real fairy tale, no notebook ending. Is that why it must be written, written and dreamed up... Because it doesn't exist? Because love is temporary and fleeting, love is frequent and ordinary. Love happens every day, and what is givith can be taken away.
I don't want to believe that. Please, make the buring stop; make there be light at the end of the tunnel. There has to be some fairy tale, some notebook ending, something... All things cannot be so meaningless and fleeting.
I want to believe in love. I want to have love, to accept it and believe it is not only real, but that it can really happen to me...
But I don't right now. I want to... I really really want to.
How can something that's so good, hurt so bad? And from so many directions. God, stick the knife and turn it, but do you have to stick another knife as well...
Yes, yes you do. Because I stuck the first knives. I made the deal, I paid the piper... And now it's my turn.
Numb, cold
Buring, prickling
Nothing, fine
How can I explain this sensation...it melts in my mouth and it threatens my eyes. It tortures my bones and then... It just dies.
No comments:
Post a Comment