Get a grip.

Everything is good.
Everything is going well...
I need to remind myself of that though.. need to be happy in my choices and find a way to embrace all I am and all i am doing.
I don't want to start off the year in a funk, but i seem to be slipping in and out of presence and peaceful state of mind. I keep over thinking everything and seeing things i used to love with negativity. It shouldn't be that way.
I love track. I chose track. It's a worth while thing and a thing I CARE ABOUT.
Maybe its being sick, my birthday, having no schedule, the end of break, having Jess graduate..monotony..  i don't know.. But, lately i seem to be resenting it.
It's just a mind thing and probably largely from the enclosed space of indoor and my struggle with overcoming running poorly, but i want to enjoy it and not resent it. My adventure bone is kicking in, and though break just ended, i really desire escape. Every semester i have had a major change from the one before, and i don't know how to handle the "sameness" of the upcoming months.
I want to be excited to run. Excited to turn 21. Excited to keep trucking in my studious life of running, and working, and studying... but i'm having trouble.
Some times it is peaceful and nice and comforting.. but inside i scream and tear at my skin.
Like the nest is soft and comforting, but other times it stifles me and the outside world is calling my name.
It's all in time and I keep trying to think, "this too shall pass." I'm trying to focus on the new and the good and the to come.. internships, relationships, adventures, progress...trying to place my focus outside myself.
i just need a little help. A little breath of fresh air...
A grip.
This is you. This is who you are. And its ok Eden. It's ok..
Get a grip and be happy with what you chose.
What you choose.

: / ahii yi yi