Man on the Moon

you know the man on the moon?
yea, he's lonely there I suppose,
watching the world pass by below.
i guess he might be,
always passing.
orbiting.

but he's so free up there.
circling round without a care.
though i guess it must get old.
only space and distant stars.
lifeless planets.
Jupiter and Mars.

you think he's happy?
at least earth's a nice view.
very true.
but as we destroy it...
that ends too.

do you think he dreams..
do you think he hopes..
the man on the moon?
i suppose we'll never know.

light house

if i had a reason
please give me a cause.
i see the ship in the ocean
but the light beacon
isn't on.

heard the siren call,
but the frequency
just wasn't strong.

the rocks are vicious
at the shoreline edge.
i'll be here waiting..
but the damge
is already done.

give me a sign,
even just a little
light.
something to give
me hope that
it will be alright.

because my voice
is too quite.
my arms too week.
i'm screaming out
but they won't hear me.

i see the ship in the ocean
it's coming near.
i'm trying to save it...
but i'll fail.
it's clear.

had enough

what can i do
everything i touch
turns into stone
i'm a masacist
but the fault's my own
i can go back
but never go home.

and you.
sitting silently there
you think it's ok
flipping your long hair
i have no feelings
pretend i don't care
i leave
come back
but my paitance
has little room to spare.

not your fault.
you had a bad day.
i can take it
throw it my way
doesn't matter
nothing left to say
watch it splatter
break
all over my face.

i'll fix it.
bare the pieces
you go in clean
just hit the reset.
i'm used to it,
it's fine
really.
it's all mine
the bad
the good
the whole thing
i'll put it back
in it's right place.

no?
no, that's not enough?
no.. here's some more stuff.
i asked for it
right?
god these hands are cold.
yet i fight,
as if there somehting left
that i can still hold.

done.
i'm finnished...
your taking all my air.
i want to smile, breath
but there's nothing left there
take it all.
i don't even need it anymore.
watch me fall.
then walk away,
just please be sure
to shut the door.

is it ok?
well always.
of course.
now go away.

any chance...

any chance you heard the siren?
it was loud..
but it was clear..
coming from somewhere in the distance.
still a thrill that you
might hear.

i waited quietly
behind you.
not a wisper..
not a breath..
when i made it up beside you..
i think you had
nothing left.

there's a tune.
i heard i heard it playing...
echoes softly
in my mind..
so distant words.
someone saying..
you'd be leaving me
behind.

i tried to battle
with the silence.
make clear the noises
in my head.
but in the moring
when i wake up..
i'll wish again
i dreamed
instead.

i hope the songs up there
are clearer.
i hope their tunes
might
make you dance.
i hope you perch
upon the instrument..
that in death
gives life
a chance.

tell me please that
you hear beauty..
tell me please that
it's all kind.
tell me out there
in the moon light
there's a twinkle
in your eyes.

any chance you heard the siren?
any chance you saw the signs?
any chance that they're all stars now...
any chance your hopes are fine...

i guess we'll see

think i can take it?
hands shaking.
braking glass.

think that it's worth it?
holding on.
no looking back.

think we can get out?
full force.
pushing forward.

think that it's better out
than in.
you told me once,
but i don't know
if i can still win.
hands cold
body wearing thin.
shiver now.
but it's from deep withing.

think that it's over?
think that it ever will be?
think we can make it?

do you want to go back
to where it all begins?
if i told you no,
would you let me win.
does it have a prize?
this life.
on the inside.
trying hard
not to give up,
and die for what?

think that we'll keep fighting?
think that it's fair?
do you think it's still beautiful?
somewhere out there?
do you think that we're living?
is this breath really
just air?
what's left in forgiving?
are we praying to something
that is even there?

think that we'll make it?
think that it's better later on...
what are we living for?
the lyrics..
or the tune..
to some lost song.

think that we'll find it?
think it ever will make sense?
i'm throwing out these questions..
but soon there is nothing left.

think i can take it?
i dunno, i'm more concerened
about you.
think we can make it?
who knows.
does it matter if we do.
think that it's worth it?
hold my hand..
it has to be.
think we deserve it.
just keep fighting.

i guess we'll see. 

can i keep you?

can i keep you?
would that be alright?

hold you close and
hold you tight.
have you next to me
every night.

can we run away?
never look back?

just two lost hearts and
some light packs.
i'll hold your hand
as we walk down the track.

can we sail off?
out to sea on a bright day?

I'll man the sails
and you steer the way.
we'll watch the sun set
over the bay.

will you at least stay in my dreams?
or let me wake from this nightmare?

be my ghost.
i don't even care.
dry my tears
and brush your fingers through my hair.

will you set my heart free?
know it's the place that you'll always be?

sit inside it comfortably
listen carefully to the beat.
and share my secrets
no one else can see.

if i went back...
would you change your mind?

could i give you any reason
to stay alive.
say i'll always
run at your side.

can i keep you?
would that be alright?

i'll just pretend your with me.
just for tonight.
i'll just pretend your with me.
just every night.

girl in the glass

sometimes, when walking past the glass.
i catch a glimpse..
a glimpse of a thin girl
with olive skin
wavy dirty blonde hair
braided

and something strikes me..
something so familiar about her
her narrow face
her long nose
her thin lips

those blue eyes,
so strange.
like i could see her entire soul..
all her thoughts
and dreams
and fears

when i smile.
she smiles..
and i know somewho,
if i cried,
she'd cry too..

i look at her,
in her tie die t-shirt
purple zip up
and baggy jeans

and while the familiarity
is unerving.
something is different
very difernent

different from the girl
i see everyday.
the girl who
braided that
wavy dirty blond hair

the girl who threw on
those colorful clothes
something new
something else

i miss the spots on her chin
look over the wisps of her hair
don't notice the hips
i usually find too big

it's her
it's me
and i smile

she smiles
and in her eyes,
she knows

we're going to be alright

letting go of anger

Keep your hands where i can see them.
i'm at the edge again,
peak over slowly...
but don't you dare go away.

i always think about the falling.
is the bottom landing worse?
i guess i should have asked you...
lying far beyond my hurt.

it was in hopes that wings
might catch me,
one's that must have failed you.
i pretend instead your flying.
in my dreams this still comes true.

take my fingers off the trigger,
i won't pull it,
i'm just sad.
didn't realize all this fire,
could ever burn so bad.

then i close my eyes and wonder.
how it must have been
in your head.
give me something to hold on too.
let your fingers nit through mine.

i know they are just vapor.
but i hold them close inside.
close my eyes your in my mind.

give you back the knives i'm holding...
slowly anger's gone.
i sit and stare ahead.
instead.
letting my heart catch your fall.

you didn't deserve this at all.
you didn't deserve this at all.
you didn't deserve this at all.

and i hope...

and i hope somewhere your smiling.
(I'll keep imagining you are)
and your arms are raised high.
as you run on through the stars.

and i hope somewhere your heart is free.
(no more weights or chains or reasons)
and sitting somewhere laughing,
as old equations find new meanings.

and i hope the pain is gone now.
(that every race is one you win)
and nothing can go wrong out there.
playing paintball in the wind.

i'll imagine that your happy.
(all your world are dreams come true)
that the complications of this world,
are gone and hopes anew.

and i hope that when you look down.
(in my mind your watching us)
you remember that we love you.
and you never will be lost.

too late

drown me in oil.
then we'll sit and wait for rain.
i'd have called you in the morning,
but it would have only brought you pain.

no there were no silly questions.
just the one's we never asked.
and i know some of the things said..
i wish i could take back.

so cut my heart out.
and keep it.
please, it should have been yours.
no i don't think that i'll need it.
i have nothing left to use it for.

i hope somewhere you are watching.
i hope somewhere your alright.
i hope you know that i am sorry.
for being so damn blind.

so now i'll sit here on this hill top.
let the frost attack my toes.
and pretend that you are with me.
though, that's not how this story goes.

so drown me in oil.
and i'll sit and wait for rain.
and i'll call you every hour.
though my calls are way too late.

seeds

it's not until the flower is bending in your hand that you realize
how fragile life is.
it's not until the stem snaps
and the leaves fall to the ground.
not until it wilts, and browns and crumbles,
that you actually can tell...
how easily it's broken.

but what you didn't think of...
was that the flower carries seeds.
seeds of hope.
seeds of pain.
seeds of light.
seeds of darkness.

what you didn't realize is that those seeds die too.
they waft off in the wind to grow elsewhere.
or they crumble.

seeds of life.
seeds of death.
seeds of nothing.
seeds of everything else.

now you sit.
alone and empty.
with death in your hands.

yet life still keeps going.
seeds are planted.
flowers bloom.
the sun rises and sets.

so fragile.
yet so signifigant.
one flower,
one stem,
enough seeds to change your life...

i was going to write you a song...

i was going to write you a song.
but forgot all the words.
it wouldn't have been very long,
and much like many you've already heard.

something about love.
probably a little of pain.
maybe a saying to remember.
and a tune that could carry your name.

i wouldn't have sang it allowed.
it wasn't for others to hear.
i was going to write you a song...
but forgot it when i felt the fear.

i recal it started with a hum...
just a minor note or two.
nothing to consider great,
just something to sing along to. 

i remember the start was quite simple,
the middle's where things got complex.
the end i no longer remember..
by then there were little words left.

i was going to write you a song.
i was going to give it to you.
it wouldn't have been very long...

i guess it's better you find something new.

spark

I remember all of it. Such a feel.. such a rush.. like a silence, I couldn't explain. So much energy, and power. Almost like a life force... almost, yet some how fleeting, somehow fragile. Nothing concrete or sturdy. Nothing tangable, just a feeling.. a substance so powerful yet so fragile you could loose it in a second.. yet in that same second have it all.

Such a novas thing. So sentimental, so real.. yet... impossible. A feeling is all. A shared idea that sparked with a simple hello, a simple flow of conversation, a laugh, a sparkle in an eye, a tiny gesture... an idea. Once planted, thus grows and turns into what...?
a flower?
a weed?
a tree?
or nothing at all.

stomped out by the tred of ongoing, never ceasing, always moving, tireless life.

but what if it did grow... what if it manafested.. and became.. and is.. and was..

what if..

i still remmeber.. so so cold. then, suddnely a light.. a spark, a flame perhaps...
but breif. Breif and fleeting and unremarkble. Yet... enough.
enough to start something that could never be forgotten.
enough to plant the seed. to seal the idea. capture the moment.

suddenly. there it is. maybe nothing. maybe something.. everything perhaps...
there. right in front of you.
and it suddenly all made sense.
made sense from what made no sense at all.

what's the saying.."your car goes where your eyes go"

my eyes were there. i remeber.

i hope you do to.

What if..

What if i run away.
run away and don't come back.
climb a mountain maybe...
kayak into the sea...

what if i change my name.
cut my hair.
fly off to spain...
leave no trail
no trace again.

would you miss me?
would you remeber i was there.
would you wake up in the morning
and look to see if i came back.
would you wonder where i went to.
would you notice.

what if i found my dreams.
sent you pictures
out at sea.
let you share a piece of me.

would it matter?
would you hold on to it forever...
would you always remember...

what if 2 years go by?
your not the same
and neither am i.

would you still think of me sometimes?
wake up and imagine i was by your side.
or would you forget.

what if...

write you a story

im gunna write you a story..
i think i'll start with a list.
you won't like the ending.
you won't like what i miss.

but it needs the rough edges.
the seems broken too.
i don't belive in fairy tales.
it's the worst that come true.

you think you can rewrite it?
you think that it's wrong?
you think your imagination can hold the heart song?

i'm gunna watch as you read it.
your expressions the key.
it's possible you are the one.
that might make it real.

it's subject to change.
but my optimism is sparing.
you can laugh all you want.
but the seems are still tearing.

see it's really quite funny.
the characters fit.
but they always finish the same.
with something amiss'

you think you can fix it?
the errors and trails.
the run-ons and fragments.
emphasis and prevails....

i'm gunna write you a story.
i think i'll start with a list.
you won't like all the details..
but we'll finish the rest.

cheers to the best.

in the silence

Tell nothing and no one.
Tell them everything at all.
I took a hit on the weak side.
...but it's not enough to make me fall.

it gets cold in december...
but on the other side of the world. 
we watch skies slip past,
endless.
leaving voices unheard.

whisper lightly my child.
it's the silence worth hearing.
i waited there in the darkness.
but the words lost their meaning.

no one came to the funneral.
and the birth was too,
empty.
i looked on and remebered,
how inside those arms kept me.

no we watch as the mountains.
shift down into sand.
in the hieght of the silence,
their voices reprimand.

tell nothing and no one.
tell them everything at all.
even a hit on the strong side,
and i'll still take it all.

"I don't pitty him," she thought. as she tucked the phone away. it's so much easier to run then to stay... She yawns and blinks up at the radiating sun. Should have come sooner, but my shorts on and painted her toes. Should have ran at the mountains 'till they were under her feet, should have called him back... should have.

It's just hard ya see. Hard? Coward. Naw it is.. hard to sort it out in your mind. Easier to make eyes blind then to open them on scenes your dieing not to see. She stares out at the mountains. Feels the phone rumble in her pocket. Not sure who it is, but still ignoring it.

"can you explain this to me.. this world this thought.. this same spiral of instances over and over and over?" her mind crosses similar paths. similar trails. often paths less traveled by others. but traveled frequently by her tred. some slow steps and some fast.

it's all the same characters.. ya know. like a play, a magic play. all things you see in the movies. you hear about but they don't actually happen. "except to me," she thinks. She takes a bite of the apple. so simple, so natural, yet a taste of heaven.

all the same characters just different actors. like a casting call really. just different variables. but the problem is the constant.. quite constantly off ya know. The wind blows softly through her wet hair and she closes her eyes to let it kiss her face.

can it not be so nice. to just feel the sun, taste the wind, eat the apple. be free. "no, no because if you are free then everything wants to posses you." she sighs and keeps walking toward the library. such a lovely castle like place. but... you want him? don't you? don't you want a hand to hold. a voice to comfort.. yes.

but it's not the same. "i want to share," not give. not take.. but share... why must everyone always need to have. have have have.

same story. same characters. different actors. same outcome. She turns on her heel, drops her bag.. and runs away.

the enemy

Pot calling the kettle black
you told me go,
but i came back.
watch you fall,
waiting to attack.

its not your fault i'm the enemy.
you didn't know this was part of me.
the deep rush that creates the sea.
something far beoyend.
something down too deep.
i took your turn,
and this won't keep.
it's not your fault i'm the enemy.

clean floor in a dirty room.
i washed the walls but the mold formed.
keep quite and i might stay.
say too much and i run away.

it's not your fualt i'm the enemy.
i tried to change,
but it's part of me.
take my hand but know it bleeds.
hid the wood
but the scratch is new.
something sacred that still runs through.

it's not your fault i'm the enemy.
heard you wisper
now i have to leave.
make my stay.
please hold on to me.
the currents strong
and i am weak.

it's not your fault i'm the enemy.
should have warned you this was part of me.
should have known you couldn't set me free...

always running

breath coming in short blasts.
mind stuck on yet anouther of the same paths.

i wait. not sure what to think or feel or care about. who to be and who not to be. to run away or to come back.. just constant thoughts and messages traveling so fast that sometimes i finally realize what it is in my mind that drives me.

makes me move.

so the reason i am so tired.. always.. so exuastaned.. so moving.. so constant.
is but the fact that i am truly always running..

never standing still.. for even at night

when my body lays its limbs apon the bed and closes it's eyes, the motion only moves to my mind.

like a distnat race. hear the voices. feel the surge.

and i can't even keep pace anymore. i don't even want to chase anymore.

but i do and i take off.

wake up running.

fall asleep running.

stand still.. running.

on it goes. fast and slow. and i realize.
the problem.

is i can't keep up. can't keep up with the pace that i have set for the rest of myself.

and it's so intense i can't undertsand it. like two differnt bodys.

two differnt mionds anmd i can't type and think and spell and run and run and runm.

inconsipicous

When you pass me on the street
when you pass me on the corner.
will you remember what i look like,
will you remember it was over.

Do you catch a wiff of perfume,
and wonder if i'm there.
Do you taste a choclate kiss,
close your eyes and think of me.

was there ever any question?
did you think that we could be?
is it possible you loved me...
or was that only me?

no i watch you from the shadow.
but it isn't even you.
it's the look of somone similar,
the taste of something new.

would i know it if you passed me.
would i recognize your voice.
in the colors i see memories,
but they are hidden by your choice.

now i beg you not to come near.
yet i watch for you each night.
for when i lie next to him.
i pretend he is you...
and you are mine.

tie die v-neck and cut off shorts

tie die v-neck and cut off shorts
bike grease on my legs
but at least it's not dirt.

drinking iced coffee in a cafe scene
guy beside me is wayyyy to clean.

i can't remember what it's like to be free,
but i know come tomorrow i almost will be.

hair back and eyes wide as the moon,
my thoughts are too big for my head to consume.

forth piece of gum,
wrappers sit in a pile.
man across the room shoots me a smile.

Sunshine in the windows
cars skirting by
all i really want is to be outside.

grugginly go back to my paper again,
can't believe one more page
and it will be the end.

just yesterday i was a scared little freshmen
now i'll be a senior..
leaving again.

outside a guys hair blows in the breeze,
i just need to focus on the simple things.

tie die v-neck and cut off shorts,
bike grease on my legs
but it could be worse.

still myself..
just more diverse.

pain of relief

She forgets there's air
when she wakes up breathing
(you never notice something
until it isn't there)

she never heard the silence
until they started screaming
(it's a price for peace
but no one pays the fare)

somewhere, sometime, in the depth below
rises reasons that you din't know.
she feels her skin,
but forgets her sole.
what really matters
hides deep below.

She smiles now
but something's wrong
she remembers words
but not the tune to the song.

holding hands before was always enough
but now to her the hand feels rough.

she never felt the cut
yet now it bleeds
(sometimes pain is hiding
far beneath)

she cries in the dark
(but can't tell why)
mascara dripping from her eyes.

is it real out there?
the wind and snow,
the sun shine she will never know.
can you feel the pain
or is it relief that hurts,
she worries that she's
...
something worse.

Just another picture I drew during the Vag. Mons. Midwifery education talk. I thought it kinda went with the Mother's Day post : ).

For my Mom:

Whether laughing in the sunshine.

Or tears in the rain.

I know that your beside me,

as my mother and my friend.

In the days when were together,

and the times when were apart,

I hope that your aware,

Your always in my heart.

Though the path of life is rocky,

and road has many bends.

I know that I can count on you

through the thick and thin.

I'm sorry I can't be there,

to celebrate today..

but I hope you know

I love you,

and 

I'm here for you either way.

Thank you Mommy for being such a wonderful Mother, friend, and positive influence in my life. I really cherish all that you do for me and the bond we have. I wish i could be home to celebrate with you today, but since i can't I want you to know that I miss you and I'm thinking about you! We will definitely have to do a rain check Mother's day when I come home. 

I hope your having a wonderful day, and I love you <3

Love,

Eden

again and again

so here we are again. Thank you eden for never wanting anything you can have and always wanting everything you can't. Even.. even if your caught by surprise and get more than you thought you wanted, which lets face it, happens more frequently than not, you still want more and then are disappointed.

it's like you said, "o i can never have that"... and all i really want is a sip. Like oo i'll never be able to try chocolate soda.. it doesn't exist. Then, all the sudden, bam there it is and someone is handing you a glass. All you want is a sip right? So you take a sip.... and guess what??
Yea.
You want more. Awesome.
Probably would have been better off to keep thinking there's no way in hell you could ever have it. Now you know you can.

Know you can, but then you can't. What the..!!!???

Enough. I'm going back to sipping water and being happy.. but am I happy? Am I satisfied with that, same old.. that self assuring..
no. not really.

and if i could have it. If i actually got a whole glass. Endless glasses even...

would i even want it anymore?

or would i decide a sip was all i could really handle..

ugh. i want my cake. i want to have it and eat it. i also want it to want me..

that doesn't even make sense.

Awesome. Good job eden..

you did it again.

loosing hope

I want to say that I believe in love. That the soul connects so strongly with someone else’s that they become the essence of it and you the essence of theirs…

I want to say that love at first sight is real. That the term “soul mates” is a not far fetched.

I like these ideas. I like what they imply. The princess and the prince charming. The happily ever after.

But…

I just don’t.

I know that in reality there is always conflict. That no matter what it isn’t completely happily ever after. That the point is to find someone who you care more about to stick beside through the thick and thin, the good and bad, the ups and downs.

I understand that.

But…

I’m having trouble buying that as well…

Yes, millions of people are happily married and have been for years. I need to focus on them, on that love, on that connection…

But are only certain people capable of such things?

Is there someone for all of us? Or is just the willingness to say ok, I give in, you’ll do…

And what if I can’t do that. What if I will always only strive beyond my reach and run from those reaching for me?

I write a paper on divorce. Divorce cycle and the advanced likelihood of children from divorced families to get a divorce themselves, or not even get married…

Being a child of two generations of divorce on both sides… this prospect is very grim.

I know I am only twenty-one and have a long long way to go and a lot of people to meet…

But…

Frankly, I am afraid.

Afraid that I am a product of my world. A socially constructed instrument to follow or lash out against the cards dealt in my life.

I want to have hope. I do.

But…

The further into life I go, the more cautious I become and the more stubborn. I can’t let my guard down, can’t give up the “self” that solely belongs to me.

I see other people unhappily married, divorced, or wishing they had married that person lost long ago. I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t want to regret, to wake up every morning next to someone, wishing they were someone else.

I am afraid these fears will keep me from letting someone in. afraid of being afraid. afraid of being too brave.

But I refuse to do it too. I don’t want to be part of the cycle. I don’t want to do that to my kids. I don’t want to have a loveless marriage either though. I don’t want to feel stuck.

Is it possible to really find someone you wake up to, happy or sad, good or bad, and truly know deep down that it’s worth it to wake up next to them? To still have sex after ten, twenty, thirty, fifty, sixty… years and do it because you love them and not just because they are there?

Is love real. Romantic love that is… and if it is… is it possible to be forever.

I hope so. 

O beautiful land take me in, send me home. I watch the sun set far beyond in my minds eye. A length of endless expanses of time. Sun hot and pure. Wind whistles by and all I want is to be in it, be part of it, have it all and be it all at once. Cannot you taste the ocean from deep inland, just the thought of the salt on my skin.. waves wrapping and wrapping over my legs. Mountains spring in the distance, snow capped and tall. Expanse of trees growing all around me, and the soil cool between my toes, beneath my feet. Breeze in my hair, rustles the leaves.. I can breathe the cool fresh air around me. 

As I sit at this wooden desk, in this closed off place. Brick walls and seat cushions.. dreaming. Dreaming of where i will be, when i'm free.. When the endless land before me is new and open and vast and pure.. and I can run on land never trodden by my feet before, into places so open and clean.. 

Awe, the dreads of coffee in my cup suddenly look like tiny hills or stars in a distant sky...

i should be writing papers. but new zealand's in my mind. 

so close

so close  

i'm ready for the adventure of a life time!

Emotion Flood

so you spin, the lights so near..
so close to touch, too much to hear..
in for disaster you turn,

faster..

and faster..

until you slow to a hult, stomach aching.
head racing.
eyes turning.
full jult..

and it stops.. it stands still..
no

no it never will

and on

and on..

you squint up at the dawn.
the mid-way sun
looking sleepily on in a mind
so full of song
that the day
nearly drowns you

your emotion surrounds you.

a mass rush of frustration.
your heart's latest creation
of what you can only now see
causes mass complication.

you stand

still now.

heart pounds..

and then,
open your eyes
and wake up.

overanalyzation!

what frustration!

(shut up brain)

it means nothing,
it means nothing.

and i know that i'm not right,
coincidence..
just a trick of the mind.

it doesn't even make sense.
(sure it does)

no no it's all in your head.

all that's left are bags of peanuts
and i'll only eat things in twos.

i heard the song in my head first.
but the tune is all my own.

i dialed the wrong number
mixed the fours up with the twos.

it's raining more now..
but i road my bike anyhow.

i can't focus at all.
and my attention span is gone.

i think he's just a fun time.
but the ones who love me never stay in my mind.

everything is moving.
i am never standing still.

all i know is how to run away.
...so of course i always will.

i drew a flower on the page.
and from it grew a full fledged maze.

i chew my tenth peace of gum today.
and spanish makes me go insane.

there's a run-through of my mind.
in a short amount of time...

save you..

I'm sorry for leaving you
i'm sorry for my own selfishness
sorry for making you bare my burdens
you feel my pains

i want to whisk you away
flip the frown on your face
give you the escape
that you need

i'm sorry for what is unmanageable
what is out of your control
i'm sorry for what you cannot fix
for what you have to know

i'm sorry i'm so far from you
that my words have miles to pass through
but i promise that you'll
make it through

someday i will save you
someday i will save you
and you will save me too

organic and technological

So I am writing a paper on Online dating for my Survey of Communication class. It is an analysis of online dating using Uncertainty Reduction Theory. In order to gain more information about this topic, I plan to use my mom's experience with online dating since I personally have none myself. That being said, I think I will post a some ideas and thoughts on the subject on here for her to read them and know what I'm considering : ).

But first, and probably aside from the actual content of the paper, I can't help but thinking about the strange mix of fads in our society today:

In a world where "organic" is the way we want all of our food and materials, why is it so many people have gotten away from dating organically?

It's as is we want everything going into our body and in our vicinity to be real and natural, yet much of our social interaction is now done online.

I am not necessarily agreeing or disagreeing with this concept, I am a huge supporter of the organic movement and obviously an avid user of technology. However, at the same time, I feel that people forgo organic interaction too much. In a world where technology lets us keep in touch and stay connected greater than ever before.. is it also pulling us away from each other?

Yes it's nice to be able to text throughout the day, skype with those over seas, meet new people anywhere in the world, and keep in contact with those far away. Being 14 hours away from home, technology has been amazing in allowing me to keep contact with my family in PA, and when I get to New Zealand it will surly be a godsend. Still, i think people need to make sure to spend quality time in the presence of others. Not walk down the street on their phones, but instead say hello to their neighbors.

I do not think that online dating is a bad thing, but I feel the reason people have so much trouble meeting others organically is because they are so connected all the time to technology that they are disconnected to the world around them.

My track coach loves to use the phrase, "be present in your present," and has shown us the clip from the movie coining the phrase over and over again. Still, as it does in sport, I feel that phrase has merit in interaction also. Yes, I have plenty of times where I walk down the street on the phone, texting, listing to my book (because I'm nerdy like that), playing words with friends, or checking facebook. However, some those times I can all the way home and notice nothing around me. When I tuck my phone into my pocket and wonder home, I notice the wind, the clothing of my piers, their facial expressions, the leave on the trees, the color of the sky... I think about what i see, what I want, what makes me think.. and I appreciate more.

I don't think we should forgo technology, and I'm just as guilty as the next person of revolving in the technological world, but every once in a while.. take a moment to live organically, see the world around us, and maybe learn something new..

: )

no, no i don't think it was supposed to happen. though i suppose everything is..
i think it was accidentally on purpose actually..
like a mistake that was only realized two steps after they were taken.

you know what i mean?

Like the kiss you know you shouldn't have done only after you already did.. or the thing you said before realizing what you were saying..or hitting the send button too hastily on a text then..

then the drop of "ooo sh*t" as your stomach aches with what you just did and you wait for the blow from the storm..

hmm, so if it did happen then? then it must have been supposed to? Then their had to be a reason.. a reason your two steps were already taken..

a reason you can't turn around..

i guess?

but if you could turn back.. well..

would you really anyway?

naw, probably not  : )

Physical Tension

ooo the sexual tension!
(is it all in my head?)
...or did you just brush my hand
...again.
No reason. Just reaching.
Those big blue green eyes...
seeking.
so close
so close to mine.

and your finger!
brush my leg?
(Yea i Noticed)
though you move your chair
and TRY to regain focus

and stutter over words
sounding Totally absurd..
(face red)
You correct me again.

but i know i felt that hand!
(it sneaks closer again)
head on my shoulder?
you come closer

ooooooo insane!
it's nearly pain!
i twist my knees to touch yours
subtle..
and i still want more

you laugh and smile
(i am in denial)
wayyyyyy out of my league
i forget to breathe

just dreams...

...i rolled over finders reaching blindly over pillows, something hard (water bottle?), a book.. stuffed animal.. Realization slowly seeped into my weary realization that the mass I sought was, once again, not there.

My fingers reached a small soft shape. I pulled it close to me without opening my eyes; the small battered stuffed unicorn was as familiar to me as my own fingers. Yawning widely, my brain had finally begun to except reality.. it was.. in fact.. just a dream.

It always happens that way. Dreams sneak in that are so real or so recognizable that your dormant mind believes they are real. Waking up is like a hard smack in the face, a rush of cold water when you thought you were basking in the sun light. For me this was the forth one this week. The forth one filled of him, him who i swore to myself i no longer longed for.. no longer wanted.

I had managed to release him from my daily thoughts, for the most part, pretty effectively. I was starting to think I would soon be ready to release him completely, let it go, welcome a new presence in the vacant cavity my heart had opened. The open plot reading, "For Sale: To Honorable Owner Who Will Treat It With Care."

Yet... there he was. Again. Forth Night This Week. So Real i Thought He Was Lying Beside me. I could almost feel his big hands on my face, pushing my hair back, watching for one sleepy one eyed blinks and muttered "I love you"'s i wouldn't remember saying.

I groaned, eyes finally opening to let the pale grey light of early morning filter in. Flipping on my back, I started at the rough tiles of the sealing without seeing them. I reached for my phone. It was still buzzing the obnoxious "bramm bramm bramm bramm," my sleepy mind had only started to recognize. I slid my finger across the screen to silence it. "5:43" it read. I groaned again.

Alarms always sound like something else in dreams. A distant interruption. An ambulance in the distance? The annoying girl in the corner who is shrieking for apparently no reason, maybe a school bell, or perhaps just a noise in the perimeter.. Just enough to bring the mind back to the surface from the  depths of the dreamy sea. Such a stupid interruption!

I squeezed my eyes tight together in attempts to return to the dream; it had just gotten good! Sadly, the responsibility persona of my self-conscious was starting to speak up. "Eden. Eden," It whispered with mild irritation, "You know you wanted to get your run out of the way early. Just think, wake up now, and you have the rest of the day to get stuff done, eat a real lunch, study at the coffee shop..."

"Ok. Ok. Ok!" I said out loud. It was rare we had a day off off track practice during the week. Since we had only just returned from a track meet in Indiana at 9:00 the night before, Sunday night, coach had given us just a small six mile run on our own for today's workout. I was looking forward to having my afternoon free instead of having the usual 2:30 practice.

I sat up, grabbing the phone and water bottle as I went.

...to be continued

The hair on her back prickled as the wind whispered up her spine. Though the sun was hot above, the coolness of spring had not yet left the air. "Damn, if i am to have one, in my next life i hope to be a warmer person," she thought shuddering slightly.
She tilted the screen of the computer further, squinting to read the words past the glare of the sun.
"hmm, no good."
Giving in, she snapped the computer shut and began to gather her things. Defeat to the indoors.
It was hard to stay inside on nice days. With Missouri weather you never knew if the following morning you would wake up to 80 degrees or snow; it was necessary to make the most out of the day where you could. The trouble was, being a college kid, there is never really a time you can sincerely say you have "nothing to do." There is always something you "should" be doing. (usually that something was the exact opposite of what you wanted to do though).
She sighed, knowing that it would be a long night again. Never ending, never ending. Why couldn't she be one of those girl's who just was content to live at home? Or run off with some wealthy man and spend her days shopping and basking at the pool with martinis. Though those thoughts sounded appealing now, like pickles, she knew they were only things she would think about liking until she actually had to take a bite.
"Hmm," she thought again, "maybe I should stop writing my internal dialogue of this afternoon and start cracking out my paper."
The celling light above had one bulb missing, but it still cast shadows of her fingers on the keys. The phone buzzed beside her reading, "Words Free: Your Move with Zi Pan." She made a face and stared at the screen. It wasn't even a hard paper...just an analysis of a presentation she had already done two weeks ago and gotten 58 out of 60 points on! It should be a breeze! She should be done and tucked in bed by now instead of tapping away wrapped in purple unicorn blankets next to an empty cereal bowl.
"Sheesh!"
But the focus was lost somewhere in the midst of track practice, nice days, boys she couldn't have, boys she could, possibilities for summer, New Zealand, peace core, inservice... anything else really. In fact, a communications paper on sexual harassment was the last thing she cared to consider.
"Maybe I'll just run away instead?"
Her mind cast thoughts on Colorado Mountains, oceans.. beaches.. somewhere, anywhere, hmm.. Her mouth craved gum she knew she'd have to leave the warmth of the blanket to retrieve from her room.
"Well, I guess I better do this then."
She stretched, yawned, and hit the "publish post" button.

Is it fair.
In a world where no one's there..
and everyone is somewhere.
To have to choose
between love
and what your chosen to do.

Do we not seek the comfort of others,
yet exist in a place where must run
far from each other.
To become our dreams.

A world we loose working as a team.
Must one loose for the other to succeed?
Must we only have one option to do..
never have our cake
and eat it to.

Is there no way to make path,
but setting foot prints
on different tracks
yet still keeping our hands in
contact.

In a world where technology takes flight,
we still hit the battle between,
Your dreams,
Our Dreams,
and mine.

In our journey forward...
into our lives.
How do we pick
which battle's right.
Do I wait for you
or find my dream..
do you wait for me
or do we both give in.

We do we have to choose,
what if I want your dream,
my dream,
and your hand too.

From the Inside Out

In discussion with my roommate today I realized an interesting aspect of childhood thought processes. She is someone I would consider to be very intuitive, analytical, and caring about others and the world around her. However, she told me that in her childhood and adolescence she had very little realization about the world outside her own mind and few memories of what she felt and thought about before her senior year of high school.

I guess this shocked me because I feel like I have always been very overly aware of everything. I often remember most things based on how I felt during the time, what I wanted to do to fix it.. or remember it.. or  make it go away. I have talked to others about their childhood memories and heard similar stories.. 

It just makes me wonder: As we grow do we start to realize things from the inside out and become more aware of things around us and how they impact us and us them? 

Or, for those of us who remember all of it... is growing the struggle to recognize things from the outside in? Is our maturing more to try to understand who we are and that we don't have all the impact or responsibility for the chaos around us?

I know my memories as a six year old, twelve year old, and sixteen year old are very different then my twenty one year old brain would process. As I age, I'm sure my forty and eighty year old brain will process them still further.. but I still wonder how much our interpretations of situations impact us as we become who we are, who we will be.. and remember who we were.

Are the forgotten things the scars of our hearts or the bandages over them? And of the things remembered.. how much is how it truly happened and how much is how we imagine it?

This life thing is pretty crazy and it seems the best things.. or at least the most vital... are the hardest.

I guess we only can think as we are, be who we will be, and remember what we receive. 

hmm.. oo the puzzles of life

Consumption

What I am
and what I will be
What I'm not
and what I won't
You can try to define me,
but I strongly suggest You don't.
I do not fit into a category.
You cannot shut me in a box.
I have lengths that sneak beyond my means.
I have ties that can't be cut.
So please don't try too hard to do it;
to try to figure this girl out.
For you will drown in your effort,
I don't even know what I'm about.
And please cease attempts to consume me;
I am thick and might cause pain.
For despite all the attention..
I still do not call out your name.

Iced Coffee and Sunshine

Iced Coffee and Sunshine
Yes, I know it will eb fine.
Yes, i;Ve known it the hole time...
Wind blown and shakken.
someThing left..
for-saken..
but my memories keep it.
from braKing.
He hasn't call ed in a year now..
(not that it's something i care about)
(not that it effects how it tUrns out)
Blown hair AND frilled skirts
i like the pane becauase it
doesN't hurt.
i'Ll take this day for all it's worth.
dripped blood but a smooth leg.
couldn't fEEl it, but it still stains..
i want to saVor this whole day.
I wish i felt the same way..
(but it never really goes away)
Iced coffe and sunshine
Yes, i know it will eb fine.
yes, i know it just takes time.

fear frightening

No fear, no fire, no frightening
I'll throw you out there in the lightning..
but i'll bring you back again.
no shocks will sink too far deep,
nothing beneath the skin.
just a jolt to rattle your bones.
a reminder that lets you know,
you can always count on me
but not dependently.

For I need a warning sign.
a signal fire against the sky..
this heart breaks every time.
no sun left there to find.

please stay back.
don't come too near
for i'll run fast
far
not from fear.
but from frightening..

the inner-um still fighting.
i hope you survive the lightning.

Treading Water

Mom this is for you. It was too long to text message and easier to write than say, but I hope it helps! : )

Mom: "at what point does a person perpetually treading water justifiably run out of gas or find they have been treading for all the wrong reasons.."

I don't know the answers, being a water treader myself, but I know one thing about treading water...
and that is: while it works sufficiently to keep one's head above water, it sure as hell doesn't do much for moving forward.

That's why I suggest a goal, a life boat, maybe off in the distance.. But something tangible you can see.

In running, when the Finnish Line is in sight, you speed up.. you find more power in your legs than you thought you had.. You move forward.

I know you said your worried you've been treading for all the wrong reasons. Maybe you have. Maybe the solid ground your reaching before below you is no longer there. Maybe it never was. But the reality is, you need to find something to swim toward.. a reason to stop treading. Hopefully in the struggle a life boat will come, or a floaty at the very least...

and who knows what that will be. I was thinking about it today, and the lifeboats that end up rescuing us are often things, people, instances that we never expect. And the things we learn while treading are what makes us who we are.

Emma and I went to see Riane's new baby girl Lochlyn on Thursday.. soo cute.. but her dad said something that really hit me. Even though Riane's situation was not what she had planned or what she necessarily wanted for her life at this time, Lochlyn really brought her family together.

Her dad came upstairs and looking at his daughter holding his granddaughter, smiled, and said, "You never know what you need until you have it."

That's true. It's hard to see what you need, what will save you, what is keeping you going.. the right reasons if you will.. until they are there. You don't know who you will love until you love them, how you will feel until you feel it, or where you will go until your there..

What we do, what we need, and who we are all make life what it is. And in the midst of the struggle, I feel a lot of things come up and end up being more important than we ever realized.

Like, when you were sick. That was a terrible terrible time in our lives. I know i was not the one who was sick and cannot fully understand how you felt in that position, but i was there and i felt the pain, the worry, the hardship. I went to school everyday and bed every night afraid i would loose you... and so much more happened during those years.. things that tear and break a person. But I tell ya what, we made it through. We kicked those hard ships ass and we made it out. And though a lot was torn and broken.. a lot was made.

I would not be the independent person of today or have the striking bond with you that we have now if those things had never happened. I wish they didn't, I really do.. but even when i remember the hard parts.. i remeber the other things too.

The fat ferrets, the bath tube talks, you teaching me to cook, pulling together as a unit, getting "bubble yum" as a city capital when studying with you in your bed...

Though it made my heart hurt to see you walking with your feeding tube bag.. at the same time, I thought--"That's my mom. That's my mom and she can do anything."

and you can.

I know the water's choppy. I know the lifeboat is hard to see. I know your tired. But Mom, you are one of the strongest people I know. The reason you got better was because you set your goal and you did it. You decided you were going to. You had a lifeboat to swim toward. It was far away and a hard trip. But you did it, and you can do it again.

You can do anything.

You just have to stop treading and swim.

And I love you.

Geting Myself Ready to Run

So at the meet in Iowa today i was trying to pump myself up for the 5k.. I've realized that the more relaxed i am the better i do. I just seem to tense up and run poorly when I over think about it.
Racing, or getting ready for any type of competition is a process and each person has their own things and way of doing them. In high school I used to have to wear lucky lady bug underwear, eat salmon and knoccie or at least some type of pasta the night before, eat peanut butter and jelly on a bagel the morning off, and always wear a blue sports bra.
Now, in college, I am still finding my niches, or at least have less of them. I still find myself doing the bagel thing at least some time that day, but peanut butter and cereal sometimes works in the morning if i use soy milk, i have lucky asic socks, and i wear my black nike sports bra... But what i'm getting at here, is that everyone has a thing. For some its food choices, song choices, quotes in there wallets, sayings.. etc.
Today, I found myself hiding in the locker room and tying a note to myself. Here it is:

Dear me,
Think positive, for only you are your enemy. If you believe you can't, you won't, so always believe you can...It can't hurt. Be there, be present, think fast, but RELAX.. find YOUR pace, stick with it.. see it, feel it, decide it, do it.. Don't blow out, don't worry you will.. 1. 2. 3. Go!
No one does it like you... Your a winner, you only win for yourself.. No one else is there, just you and only you can let yourself down. Build up, be strong, go after it. Don't give in, don't slow down.. It's your race, you chose it, you choose it... GO DO IT!!
Love,
Yourself <3

like to tell you

i would like to tell you, this is an exception
that this week is just one of the busy ones..
later i will have more time.
i would like to tell you i won't sign up for something else..
that i will make more time for you,
i'll call more often
i'll be around.
i would like to tell you i am going to take time for myself.
that i will learn to relax,
life won't be so hectic.
i would like to tell you a lot of things..
unfortunately,
i have to tell the truth.

Faces and Places

Old Friends, New Places
Old Grounds, New Faces
some will stop and some will go.
Some you never get to know.
Time is like your enemy.
Take it slowly..
watch it leave.
Maybe we will meet again.
Some where new, still old friends.
As the wind blows us away.
Face in memory still remains.
How much do we really know.
Who in time we watch grow old.
I hope as days pass into years.
Familiarity always appears.
old friends, new places.
old grounds, new faces.

Get a grip.

Everything is good.
Everything is going well...
I need to remind myself of that though.. need to be happy in my choices and find a way to embrace all I am and all i am doing.
I don't want to start off the year in a funk, but i seem to be slipping in and out of presence and peaceful state of mind. I keep over thinking everything and seeing things i used to love with negativity. It shouldn't be that way.
I love track. I chose track. It's a worth while thing and a thing I CARE ABOUT.
Maybe its being sick, my birthday, having no schedule, the end of break, having Jess graduate..monotony..  i don't know.. But, lately i seem to be resenting it.
It's just a mind thing and probably largely from the enclosed space of indoor and my struggle with overcoming running poorly, but i want to enjoy it and not resent it. My adventure bone is kicking in, and though break just ended, i really desire escape. Every semester i have had a major change from the one before, and i don't know how to handle the "sameness" of the upcoming months.
I want to be excited to run. Excited to turn 21. Excited to keep trucking in my studious life of running, and working, and studying... but i'm having trouble.
Some times it is peaceful and nice and comforting.. but inside i scream and tear at my skin.
Like the nest is soft and comforting, but other times it stifles me and the outside world is calling my name.
It's all in time and I keep trying to think, "this too shall pass." I'm trying to focus on the new and the good and the to come.. internships, relationships, adventures, progress...trying to place my focus outside myself.
i just need a little help. A little breath of fresh air...
A grip.
This is you. This is who you are. And its ok Eden. It's ok..
Get a grip and be happy with what you chose.
What you choose.

: / ahii yi yi

Didn't cry

I don't know how to feel today. I think i should be crying or upset, but i'm not. Instead i more only feel strange. enjoyed a 12 mile run on my own and then ate a bowel of cereal. Typical. But what wasn't was I had a second, and now not even two hours later i want a third. Why? Can you cereal away emotion? Likely not, but subconsciously my body seems to think so.  

I took a shower and shaved. Which always means I cut my legs. Every time, no fail. But as I stood their alone and wet as a dog in the steamy bath room with blood running down my legs, I figured maybe i wasn't ok. It's not a big deal, just little cuts. Little cuts that I don't even feel... yet still they bleed. Still i am rudely reminded they are there. 

My sister called. Said the funeral was, "nice but drawn out." Said my dad was light hearted but left abruptly after it. I think his cuts bleed to. Little streams down smooth skin. Painless, but real. Likely to get infected and hurt later.. later when you would have thought they would heal and be forgotten. I guess a lot of things are like that.

I should have gone home. Should have made so he wasn't alone. Or is it only me that his. And could I really be a bandade of his. A simple scab or clot.. maybe that's asking a lot.

Who knows. 

But in time, all things heal. And in time we all feel. 

I hope that they are ok, hope that their cuts heal and bandages stay.

I'll say a prayer anyway.

I love you grandpa. I wish I had known you better. I wish i had understood you, known your scares, and known your smiles. I can never have back what there never was, but i will always remember you with love. Odd memories really, but pleasant ones. 

1. We lived at the farm with grandpa from when I was 4-5 or 6. i made a spider in the first grade from orange streamers and a paper plate for halloween. I gave it to him. Gave it to him and he hung it on the rack where his coats hung by the back stair well. i didn't think he liked me much as a kid. Thought i got in his way, but he never took the spider down. It stayed there until years later when my aunt moved in. Funny hu.

2. I came home from college the first summer after freshman year and India, Pants, and I were playing at the farm. I saw Grandpa and hugged him. He was not a person you hugged. At least not one I ever did. 

He looked very taken aback and shocked. But then he smiled, asked me about school, told me to drive carefully, and gave me $20. I think he liked hugs, he just had to have one to know it.

3. At the hospital he looked so sick and old. It's weird because I just can't imagine him as an old person. Though I know he is (was). In my head he is always in gum boots trekking around the farm with an old sweatshirt, a ball cap, and a scrawny Dalmatian at his side. He whistles when he talks and says, "Well ya know..," before any sentence. His favorite topics are neighbors, people who died, the wood stove, and the farm animals. He walks with a bit of bounce and excessive knee bend. He eats weird candies like neckless and dollar apple pies in a cardboard box. He adds water to gross generic ketchup and always unplugs everything before he leaves. 

From the hospital bed he is a different person. Old, thin, wiry... all in white. I don't like it. 

He wakes up, sees me, and asks, "How's school goin'?" 

I smile because I didn't think he'd recognize me at all.

He did, and I'll never forget. 

This is an odd post and doesn't really flow or make sense.. but i think i needed to write. Now my feet or cold. I'm worried about my dad and my sister and my aunts. I know Grandpa is happier now and will not suffer anymore. I hope in time those who love him won't either.

I'm going to eat another bowl of cereal.

We love you Grandpa. I hope they have cows and wood stoves in heaven.

can't research

pour me a drink,
tell me a liE.
tEll me i'm bEautiful,
thEn makE me cry.
givE me a rEason,
givE me a choicE,
then when i'm not looking,
takE my voice.

not your dEcision.
not your mistakE.
but i havE to tEll you,
this hEart is not yours to takE.

i heard you wErE lEaving,
but nEw you never camE.
hEared you did somEthing
i could not Explain.

i know that you're not rEal,
know my mind just imaginEs.
but somEhow you brokE me.
somehow i'm gonE.

i hopE it was worth it,
i hopE you'vE movEd on.

Snow Tigers! : )

Winter's Magic

shimmer in the light
shadows on the surface
glitter in my eyes
slip to make me nervous
hands numb and dry
smile frozen in place
but in light of all around me
the glitter lights my face
sparkles in the moon light
trees in white fir coats
I spin in a circle
and hold out my arms
tongue to catch the
crumbs fall
perfect doily on my glove
I capture it's perfection, before it melts off
Natures magic blanket
confetti for the heart

...to have...

I didn’t know it hurt until it didn’t anymore. Like a vaguely well known actor who steels the headlines only after a fatal drug overdose or private jet disaster. It’s like a pain so familiar that somehow it just becomes comfortable. A tension almost reassuring. Like a pinch to ensure your still awake or a cut to prove your real enough to bleed.

I can’t tell yet if its completely gone, or if I even am ready to give it up. The odd thing is, the pain is a comfort. A light in a dark room. Even an eerie glow, is still a glow at all. And now.. now that it is lifting I fear that I will miss it. Or rather that I will become accustomed to the weight being lifted, and suffer when it comes back. Like if you go outside without a coat on, you will be cold. Still you will adjust much faster having never had a coat than if you started with one, knew the warmth you could have, and then had it taken away.

I think I had that coat once..

Or at least I thought I did. I can remember feeling warm, warm enough at least. But, I remember more how cold it was once the coat was gone. So cold, I ran outside and lied in the snow and cried until my tears froze on my face. Now, so accustomed to cold that warmth feels strange, I fear that is I have it I will never survive if it gets taken away.

I know that does not really make much sense. For it is better to love and loose then never to have loved at all. Better to miss a happy memory than to have no memory to reflect on. Still, is the pain really worth the pleasure?

A blind man having never seen cannot really miss the ability of a sight he has never known.. while a seeing man who can see no more will always remember what it was like to have the sight. The color of the sun set, the lush green of the grass, the glimmer of the snow, the eyes of the one he loves. But do those memories help him or hurt him? Would he be better off to know only the feel and imagination and not know what he is missing? Could the imagination conjure images even more spectacular than those in reality? Could a blind imagination conjure images at all?

I remember discussing bravery in Beowulf. The question came up on whether Beowulf was truly brave if he did not have the ability to know fear. Just as with Adam and Eve. Were they truly good if they did not know the capability of evil?

Now in our world we are born with the knowledge of evil… what would it be like if all evil was lifted…?

Would we be capable of recovering if it was given back again.

Like in the seasons. Coming off of winter, 50 degrees feels amazingly warm. You might even consider a T-shirt. Whereas on the other side, coming off of summer, 50 degrees feels like a freeze. You might even consider a sweat shirt or light jacket.

What I’m saying is. Am I ready for the weight to be gone, for the evil to disappear, for the coat to be wrapped around me. Am I ready to know what its like to see again?...and will I let myself… or will the fear of loosing it once again keep me away…?

More Lessons Learned

12. I don't like it when people touch my face.. at least for the most part. I feel like the right person or the right time is ok, but in general I am very particular about my face being touched.
13. I am terrible at bowling. ... even with bumpers. With that, just dropping the ball does not work for a "split" haha not at all.
14. I am very glad my parents did not focus on video games and let me grow up playing them. Though a little bit is probably ok, I would much rather learn from playing pretend and experiencing the world. My kids will not have video games as a focus in their lives.
15. Not liking meatloaf does not automatically mean you are a vegetarian or you have had bad meatloaf before. I just live by the idea that a loaf should be only used for bread.. banana bread, pumpkin bread, wheat bread..etc... but NOT MEAT!
16. Snow boarding is really really fun once you can actually do it : ). Yay S curves... can I board everyday now!?
17. I love clam chowder!
18. Climbing mount Washington does not require four layers of underarmor on a 40 degree day. It is very cold at the top, but the bottom... let's just say you'll be quite sweaty.
18. I LOVE MOUNTAINS!! : D Ice covered uphill climbs are very very strenuous, but man is it an accomplishment when you reach the top! The view, the strong wind, the experience.. wow!
19. Being a D-1 distance runner makes you a prime candidate for mountaineering.
20. Altitude sickness takes a while to go away : /.
21. Don't forget your book light on long car rides.
22. ...I'l have to think more for the rest : )